


On the same page

by chiyokintou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coffeeshop AU, Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, aot - Freeform, jeanmarco, jeanmarco fluff, jeanmarco oneshot, marcojean - Freeform, snk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-15 00:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11794977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiyokintou/pseuds/chiyokintou
Summary: Jean and Marco are reading the same book that's always laying in their favorite coffeeshop. This might seem like a good thing to converse about, but the first thing Jean says to Marco is a spoiler. Marco will forgive him though, because Jean lives to buy him coffee and he has a nice jawline too.A dorky coffeeshop au.Again.





	On the same page

 

**PAGE 36**

The coffeeshop around the corner has a lot of spots to sit when you’re alone. It has big chairs and small tables to work. It knows that there are lonely people who love themselves, and who take themselves out on dates. The coffeeshop around the corner had become my new living room, now that my own living room seemed so lonely without him.

“Hey Marco.” The girl behind the counter- recently found out she was named Sasha- said. She smiled kindly.

“I’d like a chai latte today.”

“Coming right up.” She turned to make the coffee, but before I could move to my usual spot, she started talking again.  “How far are you in that book?”

The coffeeshop had quite a nice system to keep us lonely people busy. The shop had a big wall full of all kinds of books. When I first came here I bought a bookmark,  it was custommade for less than ten dollars or something, and now I can read all the books. The bookmarkers let you know who is reading the book and where you last were. Keeps me coming back to read one of those books, really.

“Just started. My bookmarker is the one with the small owl on it.”

“I’m not going to search for your bookmarker, Marco, I have better things to do.”

I laughed while she handed me my chai latte. “Yeah, I know.”

“Enjoy your coffee, Marco.”

I thanked her and walked to my usual spot. It was a vintage, big chair with a small brown table in front of it. On the table there were two small cactuses, growing in dorky tea cups.

Once I had put down my coffee I stood up to walk towards the bookcase and searched for the book I had started. Once I had found it, my bookmarker sticking out, I went back to my place. Though, when I opened the book I noticed that there was another bookmarker inside of the book. That had never happened before. The books I read are most of the time not the most popular ones.  Yes, there are books in this shop that a lot of people read at the same time. Some friends even made it a game; the one who finishes the book last will be the one buying coffee when talking about it.

I had no such thing. No such people around me.

I opened the book on page 36, where I had stopped. The other bookmarker was on page 38. On top of the bookmarker there was a small wolf, like mine had an owl.  I snorted. It looked as if this person just wanted to read more than I had, even though that could never be true.

I took a sip of my latte while reading the book. Carefully making sure that the other bookmarker wouldn’t fall out. At first it was hard to get my attention on the book, but once the story started rolling I was inside of it. I read until page 76, then I paid and walked home. It was still quite warm. The summer had not ended yet, but you could see that autumn was pushing. They had expected rain for the next weeks

 

**PAGE 76**

When I came back, three days later, the other bookmarker was at page 77. It stood, proud, behind my bookmarker once I picked the book up. I tried not to think anything about it. I failed. Once Sasha came to bring me my cappuccino, I asked her “Do you know who’s bookmarker the one with the wolf is?” and held the bookmarker up to her face.

She studied it for a second. “Yeah, I think I do. Connie makes them to fit a person.”  I didn’t know what to say. What I wanted to ask. I kept still. “Why?” Sasha asked.

“I- uh- well it was just on the same page in the same book.”

She chuckled, and softly mumbled. “That’s so like him.”

“What do you mean?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

“Is he doing it on purpose? You said it’s like him so what kind of person is he?” I don’t even know why I cared that much, but it seemed that Sasha was reading more into it than I was. I wanted to know what she thought, what she saw that I’d miss.

“What kind of person? Well.. He’s.. He’s a stubborn grump.”

I stared at the bookmarker. “So?”

She grinned mischievously. “So, you’ve got to read so much that he can’t keep up.”

¨Is this some kind of trick to keep me here longer?”

“Of course not.”

“I bet you’re reading this book.”

She smacked me over the head softly and jokingly. “Do I look like I’ve got time for that?”

I laughed. “You do actually.”

“Go read, Marco.” she laughed, “Enjoy the coffee.”

I enjoyed the coffee. I read page 77 with him in my mind. In what way had he seen these words? Did he see the characters the way I had? What kind of coffee had he been drinking? Before I knew it he, in my mind, started looking like one of the characters in my book. I read and read and read. I wondered if I would know him, by the end of the book.  

After my fourth cup of coffee I stood up. It had become dark outside and the blue sky had turned into a grey one. The first raindrops were starting to fall. I paid for my drinks while Sasha kept her mischievous smile on her face.

“And?”

“What and?”

“To what page did you get, Mc Freckles?”

“I stopped around two hundred. Did some work too.”

Sasha nodded and took my cash. “Good. Come again.”

“You know I will.”

“Eat well, alright?”

“I do, I do.”

 

 

**PAGE 210**

It was calm in the shop. It was raining softly outside. The leafs were still on the trees but they were getting browner. The skies were colouring reds, while the floor was getting greyer and colder. The bell in the shop rang softly. If people inside are chatting you never hear it. It was nice to hear it again. To have a day so calm that even this bell became something.

I walked up to the counter where Sasha stood. She looked tired, and surprised that I was there. “Hey, Marco.”

“Good afternoon” I leaned against the counter.

“What can I get you?”

“Capuccino.” I looked through the class on the counter. There was some cheesecake, chocolate cake and some brownies. “And some cheesecake, please.”

I walked to the bookcase and looked for my book. It wasn’t where I had last put it. The wolf guy had read it. I walked to the other side of the wall, looking at every book in it. Mumbling the first word of the title softly. Still I couldn’t find it.

I walked to my usual spot, to see if I had forgotten it there. I hadn’t.

Then I walked toward the counter again. “Sasha,” I mumbled. “Do you know if anyone left that book somewhere it shouldn’t be?”

She grinned at me. My stomach dropped. That grin spoke, even before she raised her finger and pointed at the guy sitting in the corner. He was concentrated on his book. He had a cup of coffee in front of him. It looked as if it was becoming cold.

His hair was dirty blonde with darker roots. His eyebrows were pushed into a frown as he concentrated. He was wearing a very dark green sweater with a wide neck. He was handsome. His eyes quickly moved over the pages. They were sharp and small eyes.

He crackled his neck. He had the most amazing jawline.

“Oeh, he noticed that we’re staring.” Sasha whispered. I just looked at her questioning. “He was showing off his jawline.”

“He was cracking his neck.”

“That’s something he does to show off his jawline.”

I rolled my eyes, not believing a word this girl said. “I’m going back to my coffee.”

“Enjoy it.”

“Thank you, Sasha.”

I got some work done. Not as much as I could have gotten done, and I didn’t even have much work. I spend a lot of time staring at the guy who was reading my book. He didn’t seem to notice. He was so into the book that he almost never looked up. He sipped his, apparently still warm, coffee. He frowned and bit his lip once in awhile. He was the poster example for a problematic hot guy, it was almost funny.

I had just ordered my second cup of coffee when he stood up. He walked toward the bookcase, and so automatically my table, with the book in his hands. Then, taking me by surprise, he stopped at my table. He put the book down in front of me and smiled.

“His daughter dies.”

I looked up. The daughter of the main character was indeed ill, and the main character was looking for a cure. “What?”

He grinned “You’re reading this book, right?” he held out his hand, “My name’s Jean.”

“Did you just spoil the entire story?”

He pushed up his shoulders with a smile. “Might have, you should read it.”

“I will.”  he was still holding out his hand. I didn’t know if it was considered being rude if you were being rude to someone who’s this rude. I took his hand. Deep inside feeling like I shouldn’t have. I was forgiving him so quickly, because of that cocky grin on his face. “Marco.”

He smiled so kindly, in that second, that it send chills down my spine. That that smile was something that my name had made amazed me. It made me proud. He didn’t seem like a guy who’d smile a lot. “We should chat about the book when we’re finished. I’ll pay you back for that spoiler.”

I nodded, amazed, and he left. While he left, I looked at those skinny jeans and cursed/blessed the person who had made them. Then, when he was gone, I read. I had never read any slower.

The daughter lived.

 

 

**PAGE 240**

“Listen up. The girl lives.” Jean was sitting on a dark table in the back. There was a cup of black coffee in his hand and a bored smile on his face. Sasha was staring at us from behind the counter. She was probably wondered how someone could have gotten the - in their eyes - saintly Marco to raise his voice. The answer was always; books.  “ Why did you say she dies?”

“To throw you off guard.” he jokingly said. I didn’t ask for the real reason. He pushed back a chair and yelled at Sasha. “Can I get whatever, uh, he wants?”  

“You don’t have to order for me. And- uh, my name is Marco.”

“Yeah sorry, I forgot.”

“That’s alright.”  I took the chair in front of him. My eyes on the book. Sasha yelled something about making an cappuchino, because that’s what I had gotten most often lately. It was all good. Sitting on one table with this rude stranger, it was all good.

He stared at the book, and at his phone, and eventually at me. He smiled an hasistant smile at me. It was as if he was suddenly out of words. As if his cocky attitude sank into his shoes and he no longer knew what exactly he was doing with me at his table. Though he seemed satisfied that I was on his table.

“So, uhm, what did you think about how they figured out what illness it was?”

Jean looked up at me. He thought for a second. “Weak. I didn’t really dislike it, it was quite amusing and it sure was a nice read.. But, fuck, uhm.. Well I guess it felt cheesy to me.”

I nodded. Smiled. “Cheesy hm? I can’t say I disagree. I thought it was too easy. There should have gone more hardship into it. If it was this easy, why couldn’t they have done this from the start?”

Jean stretched his arm out at me, frowning extra hard.”Exactly! That’s it!”

Sasha put down my cappuccino in front of me. She grinned at me, then looked at Jean. “So, Jean, are you done being a little fucking kid?” she asked him. I must say she surprised me with that one. Though I knew sasha as a bold girl, this seemed too rude to me.

“Oh piss off, Sasha.”

“Says mister pants pisser.” She stuck out her tongue. She was being that childish. Amazing. “Enjoy your coffee, Marco.”

I smiled. “Thanks Sasha.”

When Sasha walked away I looked at Jean questioningly. He grinned. “She doesn’t hate me.”  I knew that. All their words seemed playful, but rude nonetheless. “I’m a friend of Connie. Once dated a friend of him, so we became quite close, and I stayed around when I became lonely.”

I nodded slowly and sipped my coffee. “It’s good that you have friends like them now.” I said once I had swallowed.

Jean nodded. “But most of the time she’ll leave me alone more that that.”

We sat chatting like that for a while. A bit about the book. Most of it was about nothing and everything; unimportant things in our life. We opened up to each other. We smiled from time to time. He complained a lot, sighed, and told me that other people were stupid. I’d fight him on it, to make sure no one was hurt and made fun of, and then he’d smile or laugh at me. He called me freckled jesus. I said that that was offensive to an entire religion. Then he laughed some more, because that answer was so like me.

I guess he knew me well enough to say something like that.

He paid for the drinks and jokingly complained about the fact he had.

I practiced his name, softly, whispering, before I went to bed.  
That’s something I need to stop doing.

 

 

**PAGE 240**

I looked around to see if he was there. As soon as I came in I wondered if he was sitting at some table, reading the book I didn’t feel like reading, building up more of a reason to talk to me. I wondered if he wanted to talk to me again. I told myself that I could see if he wanted to talk to me by looking at the book.

“What can I getya ?”  I looked as Sasha, ripping my eyes away from tables in the back. “Lover boy ain’t here.”

“Do you mean.. Jean?” she nodded. “Oh, Alright.”  I smiled, pretty confident that I looked the same way I had always had. Pretty sure she couldn’t read that I wanted to see him again on my face. “I want earl grey tea.”  

“A tea.”  She repeated and started making one behind the counter.  “Can you believe Jean?”  

“uh?”  

“ ‘She dies’  a fake spoiler as a pick up line? I can’t believe him. He’s so weird sometimes.”

“ Oh that.”  I thought about it for a second. “Yeah that was a little weird.”

She smiled softly, kindly, at my cup of tea, “Don’t think about it too much, Marco, I guess he was just nervous.” In those words there was a kindness that explained all of the words she had shared with Jean. Those words told me that Sasha cared, in her own way, and that she actually knew the guy. She knew what kind of person he was.

I had no idea.

I couldn’t put the pieces together yet.

“Oh, I had almost forgotten it.”

She grinned and put the tea on the counter. “ I haven’t seen him do it in a while.”  

“What?”  

She leaned in closer. “Caring enough.”

And in that second I wanted to ask so much. I wanted to ask why he had not cared before. I wanted to ask what exactly, he cared about. I wanted to ask her how she had seen that he cared, because to me, he seemed pretty careless. I wanted to ask her why he had talked to me like that, why me? Was it just because of the book? Did that mean he’d talk to anyone for, well, hours? I told myself his reasons didn’t matter. That I had had a nice time, no matter what the answer to my questions were.

I asked Sasha nothing.

I took my tea and left.

I picked up and started reading.

Reading becomes harder when you’re thinking a lot.

 

 

**PAGE 262**

Jean was sitting on a table with another guy, and that shouldn’t have made me jealous the way it did. I looked away, in shame, when I walked in. The other guy was cute, and a little handsome too. He had quite long blonde hair in a ponytail and a kind smile. He looked like a guy capable of compromising Jean’s mood. Still, Jean didn’t appear happy.

I walked towards the counter as fast as I could.

“Hey Sasha.” Sasha was staring at the two too. She leaned over the counter as soon she saw me.

“Quiet.” she whispered, then she looked at the two again. Jean was staring at his hands. “That’s Jean’s ex.”  

Oh.

That hurt.

“I hadn’t expected him to come around again. He fucking knows Jean is here a lot.” She sounded troubled. It looked as if Jean and the guy were talking about something quite serious. I couldn’t imagine he came here on the same day as Jean on accident. He must have wanted to talk.

Jean looked pained.

“Marco, could you please walk up to them for me?”

“I can’t. I can’t interrupt them.”

“Tell them that Jean’s your date.”

“Sasha.” I whispered. “I can’t.”

Sasha glared at me, bit her lip, and then she started making some coffee. “What do you want?” I told her I wanted coffee. Jean was looking at the other guy now. He cracker his neck, nodded at everything the guy said. He looked so soft. Jean wasn’t over the pain this guy had gotten him. It was so obvious.  

Sasha put the coffee down in front of me in silence.

Jean smiled.

The blonde guy took his hands.

I took my coffee and started walking.

Jean looked up at me. His eyes were wide. The blonde guy just smiled. His eyes were a beautiful colour of blue. I couldn’t win from this guy. He was better looking, he seemed softer.   

“Jean..” I hated how awkward I sounded. I wished I knew what to say.

Jean bit his lip. “Yeah sorry to keep you waiting.” That scared me. It was as if Jean had heard Sasha and I, but that wasn’t possible.  “Sorry, Armin, I had a date with Marco and I was just waiting for him.”

The guy, Armin, shook his head and grinned. “No problem. Have fun.” He stood up and held out his hand to me. “Armin.”

I took it. “Marco.

“Take good care of Jean.” He mumbled. I didn’t dare to say that Jean and I weren’t like that. I didn’t dare to say that Jean wasn’t mine to take care of. I just nodded.

Jean put his arm around me and started walking toward my table. “Bye.” he called out, casually. He stood straight. He was smirking. Some of the confidence he had had the last times I had seen him was back. It had scared me to see him without it, in front of another guy, and I was so glad it was back. “Let’s go Mr. Freckles.”

We sat down on my usual spot. Jean asked if he could get me anything, then he saw that I already had some coffee. As he sat down I saw him panic. He wanted to say something two times, but both of the times he shut himself up before he even had the chance to say anything.

We were silent for too long. I cursed myself for not knowing what to say.

“How far are you in the book?”

I shrugged. “Page 262.”

“Ah, I’ve got to catch up to you.” He smiled. Then his face fell again. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s really nothing to apologize about.” I laughed.  
“No, I mean that I used you to get away from Armin.”

I smiled at him. His hands were laying on table again. I wondered if I could take them as easily as Armin had. I wondered what kind of face he’d show, then. “I actually walked up to you to get you away, and I had no idea what to say.”

“Oh.. Oh good.”

“That guy is your ex right?” I asked. Jean looked up. Shocked. “Sasha told me. I didn’t want to interrupt you guys because it seemed quite important.”

He smirked. “But Sasha persuaded you.”

“I’m not that easily persuaded.” I smiled. “I hated to see you look as if you were about to bow down to someone. You seem way too cocky for that to me.”

He stared at me. He swallowed. “I- fuck.”

“Want to talk about it.”

“No.”

“Alright.”

“Not yet.”

He wanted to see me again. That was enough. I started talking about random stuff. Things that had happened at work. He laughed at my stories. They were stories about old ladies coming to the library to use the computer and thinking they were broken because they hadn’t pushed the ‘on’ button. Stories about little kids going to the counter, pretending to be lost,  to make us call “Will … mother, come to the counter please?”  because they thought it was fun.  Jean seemed to get more and more into my stories and less and less with his mind on the other guy. He told me he’d drop by to see the wild happenings of the library sometime. I laughed.

After, what seemed like, a while Sasha came to our table. “Are you dickheads leaving or what?”

“What the fuck Sasha?”

“It’s six, I need to close up. As much as I love you two, I’m not going to make extra hours for your lovely dovey shit.”

I laughed. Jean frown and rolled his eyes.  “You’re always so kind to us.” He said.

“I don’t mind, Sasha.”

I stood up. Jean followed.  “What do you want to eat?” He asked while walking to the counter and paying for his drinks. I was caught of guard, and so I said something very stupid.

“I bought groceries for pasta bolognese.”

He looked at me. He didn’t know what to say. He had cockily asked what I wanted to eat because that was the way he asked things. He randomly said shit like that, but he never kindly asked ‘do you want to eat/drink something together?’.

“Ah.. And I have bought at least enough for two people. I always make too much.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, Jean. I’d be glad to have you around.”

 

 

**PAGE 262**

Sasha had asked me to come to their movie night. It had been something they did with their entire group of friends since forever, and Jean hadn’t shown up ever since he split up with Armin. Sasha told me about how the whole situation had split up their group of friends, and how Jean was giving most sacrifices. He hadn’t moved on as quick. He was more afraid than he looked.

Sasha expected him to come if she’d say that I’d go.  I had my doubts. Sure, I was getting the idea that he liked me (as a friend, at least) but he wasn’t going to change his life because Sasha kept inviting me as their friend (and no longer as a customer).

That’s why I had kindly declined, at first. Yet here I was, getting dressed in my favourite sweater, putting on my good shoes. I even smiled at myself in the mirror for at least ten times before I was convinced that I was good enough to meet everyone. I cursed myself though; I was acting like I was going to meet my boyfriend’s family.

I was acting like Jean was actually going to show up.

I drove to the address Sasha had given me calmly. I was a little early. When I rang the bell of the old house, Sasha came down and told me early too. ‘Not really early but none of our friends are ever on time’ she called it.  

Unsurprisingly, Armin and his boyfriend were the first to show up. The boyfriend gave me his hand and told me his name was Eren. Seconds later a girl called Mikasa came in, she told me she was Eren’s sister, and that they had been friends with Armin for all of their lives. That hit me like a rock, because I realised that Eren and Armin must have had some kind of love for each other while Jean was still in the picture. That made Jean’s loss a little better and a little worse at the same time. I felt like I could feel the same way Jean would have. The looks he had while telling me about himself when he was having dinner at my place, made me capable of doing so.

I said it was nice to meet them all.

They seemed to have their usual spots. They moved around each other easily. They knew what the others wanted to snack and drink. I never really knew what it was like to have a close group of friends, but I was starting to get it more and more while watching them.

When connie came down he laughed brightly. “Marco! You came!”

“Yeah, I came.” I answered, laughing. He held his arms wide and gave me a friendly hug. The others kindly laughed.

“I hadn’t expected you to, man. Sasha can me such a pushover. She’s pushing you and Jean together right? Don’t do whatever she says man. Jean can be an asshole at the best moments.”

I fell into silence. My smile fell off my face. “Not at all. I like being around Jean.”

“Oh..” Yeah ‘oh’. “I’m sorry. Yeah of course.”

I sat down on the couch. “Had a really nice time this week.” I mumbled.

“Except from the time his pickup line was a spoiler to the book you were both reading!” Sasha yelled. I didn’t want all these people to know that. I didn’t want these people to thin of Jean as an embarrassment. If anything, I was here to make Jean seem.. I don’t know.. Better? Like he was doing better than before? Something like that.

Armin stared at me.

Eren snorted “He said something stupid and awkward like that right away?” he said.  I nodded.  “He must really like you, then.”

A few more people came in. Berthold, Reiner and Annie. Then a tall angry girl, apparently Ymir, and her girlfriend Historia came in, late and cuddly. “Sorry we’re late. Historia had put on such cute close I had to get them off right away!” Her girlfriend punched her against her arm and they both laughed. “I’m joking, of course.” The taller one said grinning. She was, apparently, not joking.

The living room became quite full. People had thrown pillows on the ground and bottles of soda next to the table. On the table there were big bowls full of chips. Sasha turned off the big lights so that only a few smaller ones were burning. The mood was cosy.

Jean had not shown up yet.

We were going to watch Lion, which was still a pretty new movie. I sat in between Sasha, who had really pushed on sitting next to me, and Eren. Both of them sat back with their legs on the couch. Sasha whispered that I had to take out my shoes and get comfortable too. I had a hard time doing so.

We were about twenty minutes into the movie when someone else walked in. “I let myself in.” I heard a familiar voice whisper next to me. In a few seconds Sasha had moved to the side and Jean had let himself fall down next to me. He leaned in a little bit. “Sorry. I hope it wasn’t too awkward.” He whispered with his mouth next to my ear. I just shook my head in response.

Once Jean was sitting next to me I let myself slide into the couch a little more. I put one of my legs up and then I let it fall against his. Jean let his shoulder fall against mine.

We had never been that close. It was scary and at the same time, it felt like such an easy thing. In this room full of strangers, Jean felt so familiar. He felt like the one I could trust most. He felt like the one I could find an escape in.

And somewhere, I didn’t need an escape anymore. I just needed- no - wanted to lay against him, with all these people who were lying against each other too. With this movie on. With Eren cursing when the main character had bad luck.

Somewhere Jean let his hand caress mine. I even, with all the guts I had, dared to lay my head against his shoulder. So that when the movie ended, I felt bad that I had to get up. Jean didn’t dare to move. I sat up straight a little. Only when everyone got up, Jean did too.

But his hand.

Damn his hand was kept in place.

On top of my hand.

Sasha stretched “Ahh that was so good!”. Connie stood up and put on the lights, and like that everyone started living again. All the chips bowls that people had claimed were put back on the table. Eren threw his arm around Armin and grinned. He said it was a good movie. He gave Armin a sweet and loving kiss.

I noticed.

Jean didn’t.  
Jean didn’t even bother to look. He was too busy studying my hand. He let his fingers slide through mine and he let his thumb caress the side of my hand. His face held a smug smirk.  A look that said that he was so damn pleased that he was capable of doing this.

I closed my hand. Stopped his. Held it tight.

“Ahhh! I want some more food. Let’s order some pizza!’Sasha yelled. They made a list of what kind of pizza everyone wanted. Everything was loud and everything was somewhere else. Where I was, it was just Jean and I. There was no list being made. There was just a hand that was being held.

“Jean, Marco! What kind of pizza do you want?” Jean seemed to wake up that second too. He had been in the same world I had been. That was good to know.

We ate some pizza. Jean and I shared one. I had a chat with everyone. Apparently I was now officially Ymir’s big brother because I had freckles and was tall. I laughed brightly. Jean cursed and said that we could never be related because I was too good for her.   ‘Don’t you know how twins work, Jean? One of the twins gets all the kind and sweet traits and the others gets to be a dick with a vagina.’ Jean sarcastically sneered some comments back and they went back and forth like that for a while.

I had a very soft and calm chat with mikasa. She was, apparently, Jean’s first crush. She said he was very sweet and cute back in the days.

I had fun. I hadn’t had a group of friends in a long time and I had never even known it could be this fun.

Jean seemed to enjoy it too. Kept cursing a lot. I felt bad that he had missed out of evening like this for such a long time, all because of a heartbreak. I felt bad and I fully understood him. Everyone in this room was close. This closeness would feel weird with someone who could not love you anymore.

I hoped I would get invited more often. I hoped I could give Jean evenings like this back.

“So how long have you two been dating?” Historia asked, at some point.

Sasha, Connie, Jean, and I fell into silence. The rest mumbled and nodded.

“I- ah” I was the first to speak up. “We- We have not known each other for a long time.”

“We’re not dating.” Jean said, a little rougher than I had expected him to.

Sasha seemed to search for words to make up for ours. I seemed to think about whether it was okay to say that I wanted to date him. Or that we would get there. Or that maybe, just that I thought Jean was an amazing person.

But none of that seemed right.

We were not dating and even holding hands seemed to come out of the blue. We had talked, and we had held each other's hand. It was time for me to get back to reality, a place I hadn’t been that entire evening.

“Oh alright!” Historia said laughing. “It’s just that you seemed to fit so nicely together.”

 

**PAGE 262**

My bed felt cold, that evening.

  


**PAGE 262**  

I had forgotten to ask his phone number.  

  


**PAGE 262**

I could always ask Sasha for his phone number, I thought while sitting at my usual table in the coffeeshop. It would be easy. I just had to get up and ask her. Sasha had been there from the start, asking for Jean’ s phone number was the least embarrassing thing I could do. Still I didn’t.

I got up and took the book we were both reading once. Jean had somehow managed to get on page 262 while I was not there. The wolf on the bookmarker next to mine was staring at me. My hand slid over it. With the book in front of my eyes I walked back to my spot, sat down, and started reading. I drank my tea slowly and let the story come back to me. I felt like the story that belonged to this book was not the one written inside of it. Even though it was a good story, it really was.

After about half an hour Sasha walked up to me again.

“Coffee.”  She said and put the coffee down in front of me. “And a brownie.”  

“I haven’t ordered anything.”

“The brownie is on the house.”  She said happily. “I used a new recipe. I did put in some nuts this time, you’re not allergic are you?”  I shook my head. Ready to ask about the coffee, but she kept talking. “Anyway, I just thought I’d let you try it. Kind of to get you addicted of course. I know that my cooking can be super fetal when it comes to that belly fat.”  

“And-” she stopped her grinning. “Sorry, but, what about the coffee?”  

She grinned again. Now cockily. Teasingly. “From a secret admirer.”

I looked at the cup for a second. It, of course, could have been Jean. That was the biggest chance there was. And indeed, on the small plate that came with it there was a paper with a phone number and Jean’s name. I smiled at it calmly, and then looked around. Jean was nowhere to be found.

I stood up and walked with Sasha to the counter. “Is Jean here?”  

She pushed up her shoulders with a smile. “Who knows.”

I looked around the shop, dare I say shamelessly. I saw two old men having a chat. I saw a family, a mother, father and daughter. I saw two girls who were showing each other pictures on their phone, and one girl sitting alone, reading a book.

“He’ s not.”  I looked at Sasha. “Then..”

“Marco, you look so damn smart but you’re an idiot.”  

“Uh-”  

“Jean just texted me, asking if I wanted to give you his number and saying that I might as well give you coffee on his account while I was at it.”  

“ Oh, that’ s nice.”  I smiled softly.

“I was bullying him by saying you were here while he was at work.”  

I blushed. “That’s nothing you could bully him wit-”  

“Do you own a mirror?”  

“ I- Well- yea-”  

“Marco, enjoy the coffee, send Jean a text, wipe that lovestruck smile of your face, before I do it.”

I brought my hands to my face and blushed even more. Sasha laughed softly and started making some more coffee. I slowly went back to my spot and picked up my phone. With the book in front of me I started texting Jean.

_Hey! This is Marco. Sasha just gave me your number. Thanks for the coffee (:_

I looked the message over a few times, changing a few words, and then send it nervously. I wondered if he could see that I wasn’t really someone who chatted through my phone a lot. I wondered if he thought I was too formal, or too casual even. Eventually I decided that it didn’t matter much, and put my phone down next to me.

Every other minute I checked if he had replied, even though I knew that it would just make a noise if I got a message. I drank the coffee and enjoyed it more than I usually would.

Eventually I did get a reply. ‘ _Hey! Glad Sasha actually listened for once lmao. Are you reading?’_

We went back and forth. I told him about the book and about how I had been reading again. He told me he had to catch up again. I told him that the coffee was very nice, and about the new brownies Sasha had made. We went on like that until Jean send me a message with.

‘ _boss got mad cuz Im texting. Talk to u later.’_ and I grinned, because if that was my boss, I wouldn’t have dared to send a message saying I couldn’t text anymore. But Jean was like that. Jean send stuff like that.

Later that day I got a message saying that he had sneaked off to the toilet, and asking if I wanted to come around for dinner. I was glad to say yes, and without noticing it I place a smile on my face that would stay there for quite a while. Sasha called me out on it, and I just grinned at her and said that smiling is healthy.

I’m pretty sure she called me a lovestruck idiot because of that. And I realised that, yeah, maybe I really was. Maybe I was, since my heartbreak, since I was left alone, since I thought I wouldn’t want anyone near me,  falling in love for the first time again.

 

**PAGE 285**

No, It’s not necessary to check if all your freckles are in place, and to see if all your hair is still straight but still I did it in the car, before walking up to Jean’s door. I checked every little detail. I doubted the way I looked a thousand times and reminded myself that Jean had seen me more often ( and I never cared before).

I rang the bell of Jean’s apartment. He came down and said that he lived on the third floor. We walked together. Him in front of me. He was wearing black-grey jeans, a white shirt, and a big, long, woven vest. He looked thin in those clothes. Slender. His body moved charmingly and at ease, now that he was in his own house.

The house smelt burned. I looked at Jean and he made sure not to meet my eyes. “ What- “I wondered how to ask if he had burned the food. “ What are we eating?”  I asked him. Not sure if I’ d offend him or not.

He smiled. “I’m calling pizza delivery.”  

“Oh. Okay.”

He snorted. “ I was going to make some very nice risotto but I burned it. It smells fucking terrible, and I wasted all the expensive groceries.”  

“I’m sorry.”  

He stared at me and then he grinned. “Why? You’re getting shitty delivery too.”  

We sat down in his living room. He made some coffee for both of us and brought it to me. He put on some old soul music and smiled a smile I had never seen him smile. He was comfortable, I realised. I had never seen him comfortable.

He opened a window and sat on top of the window sill. He put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it with a candle that had been standing on the table. “You want?”

I shook my head. “Are you not going to fall from there?”  

“ Nah, I sit here every evening. The sill is pretty big.”  

I walked up to min and leaned against the windowpane. He blew the smoke outside and closed his eyes when he did. “Haven’t seen you in a bit. How have you been?”  

“Went to see my family. They got all excited that I had hung out with your friends. Have been the silent kid since I was young.”  

He grinned at this new information. “Really? You seem super social to me. Always nice to everybody. You seem like the kind of person everyone wants around.”

“Well.. People like me but.. I haven’ t had a group of friends or anything. I was always reading alone, or I was with my best friend. Only had one friend really.”  

“Oh? What what happened to them? Or is that-”  

“I started dating him.”  

We fell into silence for a while. “Oh.”  Jean looked away. Swallowed. “ You have a boyfriend hm?”  

“No. No, he left me.. Been two years now.” He smiled. “Got a child now.. He must be planning on getting married.”  

“Oh..”  

“My parents were aware of everything that was happening, and they were very worried about me not really making new friends or anything. So that’ s why they’re so glad.”  I tried to brush it off. Jean nodded and softly slid his legs so that he was touching me.

“What an asshole.”  He breath out. “ Would have fucking killed him.”  I nodded. I didn’t know what more to say about it. That was a normal reaction. To get angry.  “ So.. So your parents know you’re gay?”  

I smiled. “Yeah! They’re always asking if I have a new boyfriend.”  I laughed.

“ Ah, that must be nice.”  

“Don’t yours know?”  

“Speak to them very rarely. Got away from home when I could and now there’s no reason to speak to them.”

“Oh..”

“Homophobes, though.”

“Oh..”  I smiled sadly. “Well when you need hugs and unnecessary talk about love lives and homemade cookies, you can always come over to my family.”  

He laughed genuinely and leaned against me. “Sounds good.”  So even someone like him missed those kinds of things.

Once Jean was finally comfortably leaning against me the bell rang. Jean sighed and cursed some before walking down. I got to my feet and sat down on the couch. He walked in with two pizzas and two cinnamon rolls. He had a hard time holding it all and dropped in onto the table clumsily.  “I just ordered some shit that sounded good.“  he said.

Once we were sitting with open pizza boxes I started talking again. “So what were you like when you were a kid?”  

“Ah.. I was very nervous. I always felt that I was not what should have come from my family. When I tried to be perfect, I was always a disappointment, so eventually I started having an ‘ I’m trying to be imperfect, I’m trying to disappoint you’  attitude. I started getting in a lot of trouble, awkwardly so. I started cursing, skipping school, hanging out with the kids who got into fights.”  

“I thought that you were just a nice guy who put on a tough guy act, but you were actually like that.”  

He smiled. “Not really. The other guys noticed that I was just a slender gay guy who put on an act too. Eventually I just.. I don’t know.. I just started dating a lot of guys until I met Armin, and then I met all my friends and got a job.”  He smiled and put his legs on the couch. “That simple. I turned into a lover of the classics.”  

I smiled. “I’m glad.”

We talked like that the entire evening. Our coffee changed to wine, the radio changed to vinyl and our bodies were getting closer together. We stopped being hesitating. When there was a song Jean liked, he sang.

When he walked to the window to have another cigarette, I got behind him and held him. I looked at the empty street and at the glow that the rain gave. Jean put one hand on his cigarette and held my hands with his other. My chin was softly lying on my shoulder.

“Never noticed you’re this much taller.”  

“I’m not much taller. Just a little.”  

“ I’m small.”  He put his head back, so that his cheek rested against mine. “You’re built. You look so healthy.”  

“ I am..”  I laughed. “Wait until you meet my mum, it’ll take her two seconds to have everyone look like they eat enough.”  

“I can literally eat an entire building without gaining weight.”  

I chuckled with my mouth against his neck. “No wonder you don’t look healthy if you eat entire buildings. That doesn’t sound very healthy to-”

He turned around and put his hands on my cheek. “Shut up you big dork.”  

I laughed.

He pushed his hands together to make my face look silly.

“ So handsome.” He said. “I never thought prince charming was real…  and that he’s from Chip and Dale.”  

I pushed his arms away and pushed his against the window softly. “Shut up. I’ll steal your nut- wait that’ s-”

Jean snorted and laughed loudly. “ Oh noo, my nuts.”  

“You are such a child.”  I laughed while moving a little closer to him.

He moved closer to me too while raising his eyebrows. “What are you gonna do about it? Steal my nuts?”  

I laughed. “Shut up.”  

“Okay Mr. Nutma-”   And like that I pushed my lips on his. It wasn’t sad and emotional. It was easy and fun. It felt so safe. With all of our worries told, and conversations that had covered enough. A kiss felt safe. Jean felt safe to me.

I put my hand on his cheek and let it slide into his hair. I pulled his hair very softly. He was smiling into the kiss, and that smile was slowly fading as he opened his mouth further and let me in more. His hands were gripping my neck and shirt, pulling me closer and closer.

The music stopped when his lips were still on mine. The vinyl sounded like the rain outside now. Jean was standing on his toes and leaned back as if I could push him over any minute. As if he’d bend the way I’d lead him. Our deep kiss turned into a few small pecks. I pulled away eventually and stared into Jean’s eyes. I tried to hold his gaze.

And it was amazing how I saw nervousness wash over him. The kiss had been easy but like Jean had said himself; he could be nervous.

“ The- the music stopped.”  he mumbled.

I smiled. “Yeah, it did.”  

“I can put another record-”  

I put my arms around him and pulled him a little bit closer. Hoping to piss him off a little too, just so that he’ d have a little fight again.  “I like this. It’s like the sound of the rain.”

“ I hadn’t looked at it like that.”  

“ When there’s music, will you dance with me?”  

He snorted “No.”

“Oh.”  

He smiled and let his fist clench my shirt. “But you can hold me.”

Once Sarah Vaughan’s voice filled the room Jean sat down on the couch and let me lean against him. He caressed my hair softly and silently. He seemed to be thinking and I let him. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling on his hands on my head.

Sometimes I’d look up at him and study his face. The more I looked at him the more I noticed that he was too handsome for me. He had a strong jawline, he had bright hazel eyes, his hair had natural volume. He shyly looked away when he noticed I was looking.

“ You’re very good looking.”  I mumbled.

He blushed bright red. “I- It’s nothing. You.. you’re fucking handsome” he said, and then he softly mumbled something along the lines of “doesn’t own a fucking mirror.”

After that we fell into silence again, for a while. We held each other’s hand and watched the way our hands moved together like it was one of the world wonders.

“Did you know who I was before you started reading that book?”  

Jean blushed. “Yeah.”

“Ah.. Did you start reading it because of me?”  

“ I- ah- fuck-  well yeah. I had seen you sitting alone, reading, and I thought you were very charming and I just..”

“You picked up the book?”  

“No- No I asked Sasha about you and she just said that you had the owl bookmarker and which book you were reading.”  

I looked at our hands. “Oh..”  a smiled appeared on my face “So I kind of fell for your plan hm?”  

Jean blushed and shook his hand. “Believe me, I had never fucking imagined it could turn out like this. I just.. I had to do something.”  

“So that you could use a fake spoiler as a pick-up line.”  Jean blushed so fiercely that it almost was hilarious. He searched for the right words to throw back at me, but he couldn’t find them. I sat up and turned to Jean. Then took his face into my hands and smiled. “I’m so glad you did.”

“ Oh.”  

I let my nose slide against his nose and softly pushed my lips against his. Then I kissed his forehead. He took this chance to push his mouth against my neck and to kiss up to, and on my ear. I moaned softly when he touched the soft spot. I pushed my hips forward.

With his mouth against my neck he mumbled. “`I’m glad too.. Fuck.”

His nose slid over the back of my ear and his tongue followed softly. I took a hand full of his hair and pulled it so that his mouth met mine again. With our mouths still touching he moved to sit on top of me.

Then he pulled back to look at me for a bit. “I had never seen someone with so many freckles. That’s why I fell right away.”

I grinned and pulled him closer to me again. Smiled brightly into the kiss while Jean’s hands moved all over my back and stomach. He pulled out his shirt and mine followed.

My eyes roamed over his body. He was very pale and quite thin. You could see that he was built like that. He had probably not sat in the sun without a shirt for years.

He tried to hide his body, when he noticed my gaze. “Sorry.”  I whispered. “You’re beautiful”  I followed.

I kissed his neck, his nipples, his collarbone, his shoulder, the skin of his waist. He laid down on the couch while I let my lips and tongue slide over his upper body. Eventually, I moved with my mouth to his dick, that was still hidden in his tight jeans and softly took small bites. He moaned and pushed his crotch up. I unbuttoned his jeans and pushed both the jeans and his underwear down before letting my mouth go back to his cock. I licked it a few times, took the tip into my mouth, and then while he pushed himself forward, I let his entire length slide into my mouth. Quickly letting it in and then slowly moving my head back. While doing so I liked the tip of his cock and let my thumb slide against his pelvis. Once in awhile I’d let my hand take over so I could look at Jean, who was laying with his eyes closed tightly and his mouth wide open. I moved closer to him and put two fingers into his mouth. He sucked them immediately. I moaned softly.

“Jean.” I whispered and pulled my fingers out. “Give or take?”

He moaned before answering. I moved my hand very softly and looked at him even softer. “Take. Please. You can take me. I-” He moaned again. “Please.”  

My heart fell into my stomach and my dick pushed against my jeans roughly. I quickly unbuttoned my jeans and let it fall on the floor together with my underwear.  I took lube out of my bag and then moved back to lick Jean’s cock and pelvis. I pushed one finger inside of him and took Jean’ penis, which he pushed forward more and more as I moved my finger inside of him, into my mouth. When I moved from his penis, to his balls, to his asshole with my mouth, he let out a cry that had my dick standing up as hard as it could be. I quickly pushed in more fingers. Too quick, almost not being able to restrain myself. “I’m sorry if I-”  

“Fuck me already. Please.”  

But I didn’t. I knew that having sex with him now would be dangerous, so with all the restraint I had I carefully prepared him. My dick was throbbing against his asscheeks. Jean was cursing softly in between moans. Asking me to hurry up. Asking me to take him. Asking me to make him mine.

So I did. I moved up and pushed my penis against his asshole. Jean moaned louder, as a cry out of excitement or relief, and when I pushed myself inside of him, his eyes went wide. He moaned louder than he had done before and he breath in and out very quickly. “I’m sorry.”  

“Ahh.. It’s so good.”

“I’m moving now.”  

“ Hurry.”  

I moved slowly and carefully the first times. Closing my eyes tightly and moaning softly. Jean was tight around my penis and his entire body moved so sexily with mine. When laying under me his body was even sexier. I held his hips and pulled them toward mine. Jean screamed out. Then I pushed my fingers into his mouth and watched as he closed his eyes calmly and bit and sucked me when he wanted to moan.

“Jean.” I moaned.

I moved rougher and harder against him and gripped his body again. He moaned and screamed words like ‘please’ of ‘ yes’  with pleasure, so that I knew what he liked and once I noticed that he liked something, I did it with all my might. I stared at him as much as I could. Not wanting to miss the way his lips moved when he moaned or the way his hips moved when he wanted more of me, though, the more I stared at him, the harder I wanted to come. So when Jean yelled that he was cumming, there was no way I was capable of holding back. I came hard and he came on top of me and himself, moaning loudly.

When we became still, I stared at him. He looked hot, with cum all over his body. He stared back, for a while, with his eyes wide. He was the first to speak. “ Holyshit,”  he said. An understatement.

“I’ll go get you some paper. Where’s the bathroom?” He pointed to the door and I went and got him paper and a wet towel. When I sat next to him and cleaned him he held his arm in front of his eyes and face.

I let him. Once I was finished I laid next to him, even though it barely fit, and eventually he placed himself half on top of me in silence. Our legs and arms wrapped around each other. He placed his face against my chest. “Your chest hair tickles my nose.”  He grumpily mumbled.

I laughed softly. “Sorry.”

“ ‘S fine.”  

His lips softly kissed my chest. I stoked his hair softly. “Is your body okay?”

“Yeah, ‘ fcourse”

“Alright.”

I fell into silence, because Jean sounded like he was half asleep already, and soon after I heard him breath slowly. I whispered a soft goodnight. He mumbled something illogical as a reply. I found myself wondering if he’d talk in his sleep. I found myself wondering if I’d ever figure it out.

Somewhere I wondered if I’d ever sleep in his bed, now that we had fallen asleep on his bed. I found myself wondering if I would stay tomorrow. Really, for the first time in forever, I found myself asking questions about the future. About tomorrow and all the days after tomorrow. Eventually, as it got later, I found myself dreaming about what I wanted that future to be like.

 

**PAGE 285**

 “Sasha can I keep this book?”  She stared at me for a long time and then rolled her eyes. “Please?”  

“You got a date?”  I grinned. “Ugh, take it, you disgusting idiot.”  

“Thank you alot.”  

“How are things going between you and Jean?”  

I blushed and rubbed my my neck. “Well.. Let’s just say I had the worst -and at the same time best- breakfast known to mankind this morning.”  

“Did he try to cook again? You shouldn’t let him.”  

I laughed brightly. “I think it’s sweet.”  

“Ew, please leave before you sneeze on me and give me all this cuteness too.” She waved, but then smiled softly. “No but I’m glad. Please take care of him. Jean has a history of people not treating him right.”  

“I know.. I will. I think I can be that person.”  

“Good. Now take some of these brownies and get your ass to your hot date.”  

“Thanks Sasha.”

“Go!”  

I walked outside with a big grin on my face.

 

 **PAGE 285**  

I don’t know why I was so nervous when waiting for Jean to open the door. He had gone to work, I had gone to Sasha’s and to my house to get dressed. It seemed like there was another world that had opened. It seemed like most important step was to be made right now, and I didn’t know how. Just being together was enough, I guessed.

“Hey, Marco.” Jean said when he opened the door. My chest became so heavy and my head light. I hadn’t noticed falling as hard as I had.

“Hey.”  I stepped inside and walked upstairs again.

As soon as the door closed Jean put his arms around me. That was quite a cocky move for the Jean I knew. I liked that. “You’re really here.”

I chuckled. “Yeah.”

“Thought that maybe you wouldn’t come back.”

I pulled back and stared at him. He looked away. “Do you really think that that’s something I’d do?”

“No.”  Jean kissed my lips. “But I never expect it when it does happen.”

I didn’t know what to answer. I didn’t know if I’d ask about it. I didn’t. “I wouldn’t.”  His hands traveled over my back. “ I got you something.”  

In surprise he pulled back. “Why?”

“It’s nothing big.” I promised. “It’s just something that.. Fits.”  I got the book out of my bag and showed it to him. Our bookmarkers stood together. Mine a little bit behind his. “Now I can stay on the same page.”  

He laughed. “Let’s quickly read this book so we can start a new one.”  He mumbled.

“Only twenty pages to go.”  

He moved closer to me and kissed me softly. “I could read your story forever.”

“You are being cheesy.”

“I’d never close you.”  

“Sasha call you disgusting now.”

“I want to be apart of your story.”  

I fell into silence. I placed my hand on his cheek and smiled. “Don’t you know? You already are.”  

That night I read the story to him. We were sitting on the couch in big sweaters, because it was getting colder and colder, and I read until we came to the very last page. Page 305. When I closed the book Jean looked at me, sad eyes.

“What’s wrong?”  

He held a cup of tea in his hands. “Closing that book is weird because it was what kept us in contact.”  

I smiled. “It isn’t anymore.”  

“Yeah.. Yeah I know that.”  

 

**PAGE 305**

“Wake up.”

He turned around in the bed and draped his body over mine. “Coffeeee.”  

I chuckled, “Alright, alright.”

When he came back he was sitting up straight. So I could give him the cup of coffee. “It works quite well when I complain about stuff like that.”  

“Because you’re cute when sleepy.”  

He grinned mischievously, put his coffee on the nightstand, and then laid down on top of me again.  “Sexxxx..”  

“Oh my god, you are so fucking-”  I climbed on top of him and tickled his waist. He laughed and screamed for me to stop, and so I places my lips on his and kissed him, then I gave him thousands of small kisses. “Do you know that you’ll get a freckle everywhere you get a kiss from a Bodt?”

He laughed and put his arms and legs wide. “Yes! Please take me freckle god.”

And so, after thousands of kisses, he ended up getting what he whined about.

 

 

**PAGE 305**

I put a ring in the book and told Jean that there was a hint for his birthday present in there. When Jean found the book he fell to his knees and cried. I was already on my knees, but instead of asking if he wanted to marry me I just caught him, held him tightly, and listened how he said “yes, yes, yes, yes” over and over again.

 

 

 **PAGE 305**  

I met Jean’s parents so that we could invite us to the wedding. They said they didn’t want to see us again. I don’t know. Jean didn’t seem as broken as I was about it.

 

 

**PAGE 305**

My mum and dad cried a lot. Jean smashed cake into my face. Sasha let us hold the part at their coffeeshop. Everything was perfect.

 

 

**PAGE 305**

“Wake up, sweetstuff.”

“Coffeeee”

I rolled over to Jean and snuggled against him. “Go get your own coffee.”  

Jean opened his eyes and stared at me. “But I love you.”  

“I love you too.”  

“I’ll give you a thousand kisses.”

“Oeh, a pretty good deal.”

“Ten thousand kisses.”

“Alright, alright, you’ve got me.” I kissed Jean on his forehead and stood up. Jean mumbled something that sounded like ‘victory’. I, like every other morning, made two cups of coffee that we’d drink in bed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
